Today was a hectic morning getting the family ready for church. It usually is. And like every Sunday nothing goes as I expect it. First I am pressing my dress and the iron has some black stuff that transfers to my dress. (I am certain the iron wasn’t dirty the last time I used it which mean my teenage son likely burned an article of his clothing in an attempt to iron). I get a wet cloth and I am able to scrub the black spot with success while mumbling under my breath.
I get dressed, throw some makeup on and fix my hair. It seems I am always running behind so I grab the baby and start gathering my things just in time to head out the door when I see another spot of makeup or something (who knows) right in the middle of the front of my dress. Grrr…. I am complaining out loud now, “how does this always happen” as I grab a cloth to scrub the spot. It won’t budge. I am beyond frustrated and if I don’t hurry we will be late for church. I decide forget it and I leave the spot as my husband assures me that I am the only one who sees it. I proceed to tell him that other women will notice. That where men don’t care women do.
We get to church and I do what I always do. I try to look put together and proper as I carefully glance around at how others look. Then suddenly it occurred to me that I had been hiding.
Let me explain. You see for years I have prayed and asked God to call me, to use me. To let my testimony reach others but everytime I seem to gain ground I find myself going backward again. Why? Because I have been so caught up in the perfection of things. Hiding behind the perfectly put together outfit, hiding behind the just right makeup and hair, and hiding behind my cute shoes.
At my last job they called me a fashionista and I had pride in looking my best but was so insecure I would dismiss any compliment I might receive. It was so much work and pressure as I daily gave into my desire to impress. Continually seeking approval.
God showed me something today and He was completely clear….
How can He use me when I am so obsessed and occupied with my appearance?
I obsess over my hair, my clothes, whether I have gained a few pounds or I think I look like I have. You see I have been hiding myself. I have been hiding my insecurities behind the presentation of myself. Hoping to portray this really put together person when in reality I am obsessing to the point of distress. You see God sees our hearts and who we really are on the inside. We can look perfect on the outside and be ugly on the inside. I rather get ugly for Jesus by crying and preaching and sharing how he changed my life then stand looking perfect and being completely dead inside and so caught up on how I look, say, or present myself. I am tired of satan and the attack of insecurity I have battled my entire life!! I am tired of the constant fight. God says I am His and it doesn’t matter if my outfits are perfect. I am no longer hiding!! I have hid for long enough!!
I choose to no longer be bound and caught up in perfectionism!! I will no longer believe that in order to be accepted I have to meet a certain criteria or standard. God loves me regardless! He loves you regardless! In Luke 10:40-42 Martha was stressed over making everything perfect while Mary sat peacefully at Jesus feet.
I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me because I am so worried about what people will think or say. Insecurity is an attack of the enemy. He wants us to be insecure and question how we measure up compared to others and uncertain on where we stand.
We must look to God to complete us and not for man’s approval. You do not have to earn God’s love. God already loves us fully and completely and there is no need to prove ourselves to Him.